You need SPARE

You need spare!

This story will have your jaw drop at the things people will say to you.. especially when you are in the hospital and very emotional… when I heard the words from a church volunteer who came to visit me. “You need spare”
So, I thought this is such a timely story to share after today’s post of Gabriel telling me over and over in the grocery store as he looked around at kids in shopping carts and said again “Mommy i want a brother. I want a brother!” My heart always crumbles to pieces because cancer robbed our family of that brother for him. It will always be a little hole in my heart filled with pain.
When I was in the hospital I would have a priest or a church volunteer give me communion and pray with me every single day that I would LIVE. Given I was so far from all my loved ones those visits were especially meaningful because I rarely had visitors. I didn’t know anyone here to visit me. On this particular day I had a church volunteer visit me. She looked at Gabriel’s picture on the wall and asked if he was my son. Through my tears I nodded my head yes. She goes on to say in a very heavy accent “You only got one. You need spare!! What is something happens to him!??”  

Then she tells me how she lost one of her children. 

Who does that? Did anyone train her?  

What????????? Really? Did she just say that —I thought. 

First of all a sibling isn’t a spare. He or she is an addition to my family. Who thinks that way?? OMG i was in awe. 
I turned to her and said “I was trying for f#@king “SPARE ” when they found my cancer..  

No I don’t have spare!!! “

Then I told her to please leave. I told her she upset me and it just wasn’t a healthy conversation and it was time left.
To this day I can’t believe anyone in their right mind would consider that sound advice to a patient going through cancer- just trying to stay alive for the son she has.  
Why am I sharing this story?First, to urge anyone to be a hospital volunteer. Volunteer visitors are badly needed at hospitals and they really mean so much to someone fighting alone but please choose your words carefully 

I had constant anxiety after she left -fearing something would happen to Gabriel.  

I still pray and want that second baby cancer robbed Cesar and I of and i pray to hear the word cured or almost cured so we can embark on that journey.. because yes lady.. I want “spare” or as I like to see it — we want a beautiful addition to our family.
No we can’t adopt yet, in case you ask, because my doctor just wants to make sure i’m recovering well and have a minimal risk of relapse before I bring any children into the family.  

Thanks for the prayers and love you all my sweet friends!

Don’t forget to #ArmorUp for LIFE!!



  • Gayle Short says:

    Hey pretty lady! Some people have no smarts. And yes I said no smarts as I know the journalist in you will catch the improper use of the English language. lol I am so sorry that happened to you and you just don’t say that to anyone!

    I will share something that happened to me in my early 20’s. Had been married 5 years or so and we were trying to have a baby. After the fertility test on my husband and myself I was told I probably would never get pregnant due to my severe Endometriosis. Tried fertility drugs and everything else they thought would help and just didn’t happen. This was 1972 and didn’t have the avenues available today. So one of the couples we spent a lot of time with on weekends and thought we were good friends asked a really dumb question; well the wife did. She asked me if my husband (high school sweetheart) would have married me if he knew I couldn’t have children. I was never so hurt by a remark in my life. I told her yes as we loved each other. I was able to take comfort in my husband’s arms after her remark as you were not which makes me sad. You have gone through so much and have been so very strong so erase this memory from your mind so she cannot continue to make you sad and cry. Praise God we adopted two babies, Brennan Dane, at 11 days old in 1974 and Tracy Tenille 16 days old in 1978.

    You just keep smiling that beautiful smile and stay cancer free! I pray for you every single night and get so excited when you post your results from your doctor visits, I know God has smiled down on you and it’s all going to be OK.

    Hugs & Love,
    Gayle Short
    formerly from Austin, TX (loved you on Fox)
    back home in San Antonio, TX after 16 years!

    • Thank you Gail.. I know I was in awe and just cried. God bless her for volunteering. I did want visitors because I had no one but I would have rather been alone. Just had to share so others think before speaking when doing work like that. Thank you God bless!!!

  • Oh my gosh, I am so sorry for the comments you endured. I try to listen, give hugs and smile for I know from my daughter being a survivor that’s what it takes. What a beautiful family you are…..I pray for you every day dear one….I send a big hug your way…..God bless you. Love from an Austin mother and grandmother,Clara Klinkovsky

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