Earlier this week, Gabriel woke up crying that “Swiper” a character from his favorite Dora show beat him in a race and he wasn’t a winner.
He woke up screaming with tears rolling down his face that he didn’t win and it wasn’t fair.
I tried to calm him down but also wanted to make sure I didn’t raise a child that thinks he will get a trophy for every thing he does so I answered in what I thought was a good “motherly” response.
I said “Honey.. It’s ok. I am so sorry you are sad. Maybe you didn’t win your race. Not everybody can win. Not everyone is a winner. You are still a star in my eyes. “ He looked at me with tears rolling down his face as his eyes welled up… and said “Mami that’s not fair. I’m frustrated. I’m enjoado (angry) why can’t we all win?” The conversation went on for a few minutes and then suddenly I sat up and heard what I just said and I didn’t like it.
I started to playback what I just told my own son, “Not everyone will win.”
I didn’t like the sound of my own advice especially for me as I struggle day by day with worry, fear and pray for a cure.
Because Gabriel needs me so much. I feel pressure to WIN or I let him down and so I let those words get toxic in my own mind. ALL DAY.
They played over and over and over again.
Statistics started coming to me of every conversation I had with my doctor.
I quickly knew I needed to change that.
I have to believe that, despite ALL That i have seen, I CAN WIN this.
I HAVE TO WIN.
I quickly caught on and said “Gabriel my love, close your eyes and go back to sleep and run that race again and go beat ‘ Swiper’ You can do this. Run the race baby. RUN. “ He looked at me and smiled and said “Ok Mami !!” He closed his eyes and when I woke him up a short time later he woke up and said “I won Mami I WON!!”
He said.. “Mami, do you dream at night when you go to sleep?”
I said “Yes, baby… I sure do. I dream EVERY night.”
He said, “what do you dream about?” I said WINNING. Always have.. always will. I dream for YOU!
Maybe there are winners and losers in sports, but in my world.… the world I live in fear in.. there can ONLY be winners. Losing isn’t an option. Not for me and certainly not to my 3 year old boy who calls himself my Prince and me me his Princess and freaks out if I leave him alone and reminds me of how I “left” him when I went to the hospital for SO long
I can win this with your help too and so can my friends – by supporting great organizations like the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society— You can make all of us winners.
Make SOMEDAY -TODAY.
Please help. Whether you get involved, donate your time, your money, roll up your sleeves and donate blood, become a bone marrow transplant donor.. there IS someway you can help.
I want to one day say “We are all winners.” This is one fight I don’t mind seeing everyone with a trophy.
ArmorUp for LIFE.. we can do this!!
I know this may sound like a ridiculous story but I had to share it because all of us can let our own words fill our day with toxic emotions.
You have to stop that cycle and replace those thoughts with positive ones.
Today I couldn’t do that but part of ArmoringUp is positive thoughts and positive energy.. I work on that every day. It’s a work in progress.
Good night and sweet dreams…
I know mine will be filled with victories for me and my warrior friends.
ArmorUp for LIFE and go live life to the fullest!